


Of Hugs and Hangovers

by green7silver



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Jim, Redeeming monsters, Stepfather, Tarsus IV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-10 04:56:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7831153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/green7silver/pseuds/green7silver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Frank screwed up and Jim forgave him, and one time he didn´t. With an epilogue again, because I like happy endings.<br/>Companion piece  of "The smell of alcohol and sweat".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 2238

Frank longed for getting utterly trashed. But of course, he couldn´t do that. He had honestly done enough wrong for this weekend. He hated visits at the Kirks. Of course he knew that Sam and Jim should see both grandparents from time to time. But the Kirks looked down their noses at him even more than Winona´s parents, despising the man who had taken the place of their dead son and claiming that he just wanted to capitalize her fame for himself.

What the hell did they know? He had loved the woman since he was fifteen. He was no George Kirk, and he knew that she really was out of his league. But at least he could take care of her and her kids after all that had happened to them.

Not that said kids were particularly happy about his care. Especially Sam, who was antagonizing him any time he could. He understood that the boy missed his father, but it still hurt that he couldn´t even see how hard Frank tried to do everything right.

And this time, after this afternoon of humiliation, his nerves were stretched thin as a thread, Sam had repeated the accusation of his grandparents, probably without even understanding it, and Frank snapped.

He had yelled angry and hurtful words at the boys until Sam was pale and sweating, and Jim was openly crying.

And he had no idea how to make it up to the kids. He was not good – scratch that – he was horrible with things like that. 

Frustrated, he hit the wall of the barn so hard that his knuckles were bloody afterwards.

"Doesn´t that hurt?" The quiet question pulled him out of his stupor. Little Jim was watching him curiously, but was also wary, ready to bolt if Frank´s wrath was directed against him.

"A bit," Frank sat down carefully not to scare the boy away. The younger one was not as angry with him as Sam was, probably because he had no recollection of his father.

"Why did you do it then?" The boy seemed calmed by his lack of anger.

"I was angry with myself," Frank tried to explain, "For shouting at you and your brother."

"It scared us," Jim agreed, "Why were you so angry with us?"

"I wasn´t angry with you. It was..." the man had no idea how to explain to the five year old how uncomfortable he felt with the Kirks. "I didn´t feel well. Your grandparents..."

"They said not nice things to you. But that wasn´t our fault."

"No, it wasn´t. I just took my frustration out on you," Frank hung his head. "I´m sorry."

"It´s alright," Jim came over an examined his hand. "You should get that dressed."


	2. 2240

Frank had a hangover and felt slightly disorientated when he woke up. He wasn´t in his bedroom, but in the living room. It had been ages since the last time he passed out on the couch.

Then he remembered that Winona had started her nine month mission yesterday, and sighed internally. He missed her already, her scent, her presence, her laughter.

He also had no idea how to survive alone with the kids for so long. He was so not made for this.  
It hadn´t, of course, helped to get drunk and allow Sam to engage him in a shouting match. The boy was just hurting, and Frank should have found a way to ease his pain.

Unfortunately he was not good with things like that and Sam was antagonizing him in any way that counted, always quoting his late father. Frank really began to hate George Kirk.

And of course he had hurt the boy even more instead of helping.

A movement to his left alerted him to Jim´s presence. Dazedly, he recalled that the boy had come in late at night crying.

Really great. After fighting with Sam he had forgotten the younger child, who had been forced to snuggle up to a drunken, snoring idiot to get any comfort over his mother´s departure.  
Ashamed, Frank ran his hand through the boy´s golden locks.

Jim woke up and yawned. "Good morning."

"Good morning. Are you alright, kid? I wasn´t much help yesterday."

"That´s okay. We all miss her." Jim got up. "Are we making breakfast now?"

Breakfast sounded good. He really needed a lot of coffee to figure out how to get all three of them through the next nine months alive.


	3. 2245

Frank woke up with a hammering headache, nausea, and the feeling that his tongue had been transformed into something furry. That was really a hell of a hangover.

Then he remembered the last day. The hateful words with which he had driven Sam away, this time probably for good, his shouting at Jim after the desperate boy had stolen the Corvette, and then the call from the police, that his stepson had driven the car into a stone pit. That Jim hadn´t been gravely hurt was short of a miracle, and God knew where Sam had slept last night.

He felt an enormous wave of self hate in his throat and ran to the toilet to vomit. So long that his arms began to tremble and he was near in tumbling over. But suddenly small hands were supporting him. Jim.

The boy kept him upright until he was finally done, and then somehow managed to help him back to the couch. 

While Frank leaned his heavy head against his pillow, Jim went to the kitchen and came back with painkillers, water, coffee, and a complete breakfast.

By now, he knew the best cure of a hangover pretty well, Frank acknowledged with a feeling of unease. Still, he was grateful as the combination of painkillers and coffee cleared his head and the food settled his uneasy stomach.

"Better now?" Jim watched him from the other side of the couch.

"Yes, thank you," but Frank couldn´t meet the eyes of his stepson. He felt miserable and guilty.

"No, you aren´t." Jim scooted closer, "What´s wrong?"

"You mean beside the fact that I drove off your brother and nearly got you killed?"

"You didn´t nearly get me killed," Jim frowned at him. "It was my decision to take the car and I drove it into the stone pit."

"Yes, but you were angry and hurt because I had driven your brother away. And what I told you over the comm was unfriendly and hurtful – and the wrong thing to say, as usual. If I had found the words, maybe you wouldn´t have gotten into this danger. I´m so sorry for shouting at you and Sam, and for all of the other stupid things I do. I really suck as a stepfather."

"You try," Jim offered. "And I know that it was Sam who started the fighting as usual."

"Yeah, but I´m the adult. I should keep a cool head instead of loosing my temper each time. I shouldn´t shout back. I really didn´t want your brother to leave. I care for both of you, even if I don´t seem to be able to show it. I´m so sorry."

"I know." His stepson squeezed his shoulder comfortingly. "We will manage it together somehow."


	4. 2247

2247

_Jim was sitting in the middle of a field – a field with decaying corn. He looked like he had not eaten in ages. He was for too thin, thinner than any child should be._

_And he seemed to get smaller before Frank´s eyes until only a naked skull stared back at him._

_“Why did you send me away?”_

_Frank searched desperately for an answer, an explanation, an apology. But there was nothing, which could excuse his actions._

“Frank,” a new voice disturbed him. Someone shook him. Frank opened his eyes and looked up to Jim.

“You had a nightmare,” his stepson explained. “You were making odd sounds.”

Relieved Frank remembered that it was a half year ago, that the Federation ships finally had reached Tharsus. That Jim was back on the farm for over two months now.

Still had he to make sure, that the boy in front of him was really all right. He ran his hands over the small body to feel that he wasn´t starving.

Jim watched him warily. “You dreamt of Tharsus again, didn´t you?”

There was no sense in denying it.

“Why?”

“I still feel guilty for it. If I had handled things better with you and your brother, your mother would not have sent you to this godforsaken colony.

Besides after all was happened I was glad to have you out of my hair for a few months. I´m not good in taking care of you. Neither before nor after. I do not even the half the things Winona told me to do, when you came from the trauma center.

But first of all I should not have agreed to let her take you away. What happened to you … I should have prevented it.”

“You couldn´t know what would happen,” said Jim quietly. “Neither you nor mom. And you take care of me. You are … solid. I can sleep in your bed, when I have nightmares and you help keeping me on the ground.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long interruption, but I lost my muse and my beta last year. The muse at least I found again. As for the beta – I would be very thankful for any help I can get.


	5. 2249

2249

Frank knew he screwed up again. Jim had never been easy to handle and Tharsus had not made it any easier.

Worse, the boy had made a hobby out of getting into fights and provoking anybody around him lately.

But the worst thing was, that he was provoking Frank as well. It wasn´t that Frank hadn´t slapped him a few times over the years, when he was at end of this rope, but it had been rare and never more than cuffing his ears . But the last times he had hit with his fists even giving his stepson a bloody nose and black eye yesterday.

He couldn´t allow that to continue any longer. He had to tell Winona. He opened the comm.

“Winona, you won´t like what you hear, but I have to tell you something regarding Jim. I …”

“I got in another bar fight”, suddenly Jim was beside him. “Don´t worry too much Mom. We love you.”

And with that his stepson closed the comm.

“Are you mad?” asked Frank. “Interrupting my message like that.”

“No, you must be mad. You wanted to tell her what happened yesterday evening, didn´t you? What do you think, she would do then?”

“Divorce me; most likely”, Frank put his face into his hands. “Jimbo, I´m not a good person to watch out for you. I hit you.”

“You are really strung out about that, aren´t you? Tense like a string,” Jim began to knead his shoulders. “Look, we both know that I riled you up. Like I rile up everyone. I need just my daily spot of violence.”

“I´m not everyone, Jimbo. I´m your stepdad, your caretaker, I have to look out for you. Not to hurt you.”

“You do look out for me. You get me out of custody after each bar brawl I get into.  Come, lean back, I know, you´re tired”, Jim coaxed.

He did know Frank just too well, knew how to find the knots of tension and to rub them away. The older man leant back tiredly. “I still should not hit you. I hate myself for it.”

“I just go where it hurts,” Jim comforted. “I try to go easier, okay? Just don´t tell Mom.”

“But she has the right to know what happens to you.”

“Then she should be here. Look, Frank, you are the only one, who looks out for me. I don´t want Mom to ship me to another disaster like Tharsus.”

Using this still lingering guilt wasn´t like Jim at all, so it had to be important to him.

“Promise me, not to give her any cause to take me away,” his stepson pressed on.

“Okay, Jimbo, I promise.”

 


	6. 2256

2256

Frank felt lonely. Jim had been a handful and the last years he had spent more or less to get the boy out of trouble. But the farm felt abandoned and too quiet without him.

It was now nearly a year ago, that Jimbo had vanished without a word. He even had left it to Winona to explain to Frank, that he had joined Starfleet.

Frank was glad, that he finally decided to make something out of his life. And he couldn´t really blame him for leaving him behind.

He had screwed up too much. He had driven Sam away. He had drunken too much, yelled at the boy; even hit him, worst of all let him drift into a self destroying cycle of alcohol and violence.

Jim still had clung to him for a long time. With both Sam and Winona away, Frank had been the only attachment person. But Jim would be better off without him following the footsteps of his late father.

Still he missed the boy so much that it hurt.


	7. Chapter 7

Epilogue

Frank was normally not an early riser, but he couldn´t sleep longer, so he went out at sunrise. It had happened too much the last days.

The genocide over Vulcan had been an absolute nightmare. It was maybe as bad as Tharsus IV.  Even when Winona had informed him as soon as she could, that Jim had survived, the more details were known, the more the thoughts of what had happened haunted him.

After Tharsus had at least been sure, that Winona would bring the boy back to him, so he could see himself that Jim had survived. But this time Jim wouldn´t come near Iowa, he had lost the boy for good. Or so he thought.

It had felt better, that everything else in the last years, to have Jim come running to him for comfort. Even when it had broken his heart to see Jimbo this scared and desperate. But he had let the boy vent his pain and then they sat down and Jim had told him everything.

There were a lot of scenes which had let his heart stop, a lot of possibilities of disaster. But there was one thing in special which kept bugging him.

“He, what threw you out of bed so early?” Jim suddenly appeared beside him with two steaming mugs. “Do you want a hot chocolate?”

“Thanks.”

For a while they sat in comfortable silence.

“Are you all right?” Jim looked at him inquiring.

“It was all a bit much the last days. You really keep scaring me.”

“Sorry, but it wasn´t my fault this time.  Not at least not entirely”, Jim grinned, than shook his head ruefully. “Thanks for picking up the pieces yesterday. I needed you so much. And I’m sorry that I shut you out of my life the last three years. That was really mean.”

“No, you are better off without me. I was a disaster as a stepfather. Abusive, drunken, never doing the right thing.

You had earned something much better. You would have earned the happy childhood you would have had without a Nero.”

He couldn´t keep pain out of his voice completely and Jim picked up on it of course. “A life without you.”

“Well, for you, Winona and Sam it was surely a much better life. I just would have liked to know, what had become of me without having married her.”

“Maybe you would be happier too.” Jim pointed out. “When was she the last time longer than a month at home?”

“A long time ago. Still I think I will have become a male spinster in this other reality. For good or for bad, she was the only woman in my life. And you and Sam, the only children, I would ever have” Frank sighed. “But this is not about me. I really wished you could have a loving father.”

“You are really an idiot, “Jim shook his head, than placed an arm around him. “I had a loving dad. We made all a lot of mistakes, but you were always there to catch me, when I fell. And would have missed you, too.”

“Jimbo, that´s nice to say, but …”

“But I´m the son of my father. Do you know how often I heart that the last days?”

“You are Georg´s son, a hero like your father. You didn´t save just a ship, but the whole Federation. He would be proud of you.”

“Yeah, probably. But beside the point. You did know him – you really think, he would know how to rile up a person, who just lost his mother and his entire planet?  I was always much your son than his and even if I don´t tell it you often enough. I love you.”

Frank knew that the grin that spread over his face was ridiculous wide, but he couldn´t stop it. “I love you too.”

“I know,” Jim pulled him into a hug and Frank buried his head in the shoulder of the younger man and let himself be comforted by the warmth he had missed for so long.

His stepson held him until he had regained a grip on himself. “If you feel better now, we could go and get some breakfast,” he teased gently after all while.

“Sounds like a plan”, Frank got up and as he followed Jim back to the farmhouse, he felt better than he had in years.

 


End file.
